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Bodymore, Murderland


(or Baltimore, Maryland)

I typed the title as a reference to the amazing HBO series, The Wire… and quickly realized how weird of a title it is if you haven’t watched the show.

But I’m leaving it as is, and here’s why:  you should really watch the show.  It’s all kinds of awesome.  I will be the first to admit I was hesitant at first and had to be strong armed into the first season.  It just wasn’t a premise for a show that interested me.  But it is just so well written and the characters are so real and you just can’t but root for them (not all of them, of course.  some you will root against adamantly.) and it wasn’t long before i was hooked.

But I digress.  Baltimore is the site for The Wire, but it wasn’t our objective for going there.  We didn’t even try and tour the sites.  (its a show with a lot of drug dealers, so that didn’t seem like the best idea).  But I did keep a lookout for Bubbles while we were there.

No, no.  Our main objective: food.  We wanted Maryland crabs.  And we (Joe) wanted a pit beef sandwich from a place we had seen on… you guessed it, Man vs. Food.  Like many of the other Man v. Food places we have checked out, it wasn’t a food quantity challenge, just a place they go to to show the local flavor.   And as long as we were there, a state quarter was brought and the addresses of several ice cream places written down.

We didn’t really want to make a weekend of it, we had been gone several weekends in a row.  So we decided to go on a Friday afternoon, after I got off at noon, and hit up a late crab lunch, an early ice cream supper, and a late pit beef second dinner.  These plans got thrown off a bit by all the traffic we encountered on the way down there, but we aren’t quitters. I just wish we would have had more time to walk around the Harbor and see more of the city.  By the time we left the crab place, the sun had set and we didn’t get to do as much exploring as I would have hoped.  But on the plus side, we had an amazing view of the harbor from our table as the sun was setting.

And here’s the amazing view of our crabs.  We were given a very helpful lesson by our waiter on how to destroy them and eat them.  He was very patient and did not make me feel like an idiot for not knowing what to do with the little hammer or the stabbing thing.


Waiting for them to cool before we tear into them.

I stopped myself before naming any of the crabs, because how do I go eat a new friend?  I did have to really shut off the part of my brain that was thinking about how weird it was that I was tearing off this creatures legs and eating them and then pulling off his shell and digging into the meat inside.  What kind of monster am I?? Luckily I was successful in stiffing this wet blanket of an inner voice.  I haven’t always been so successful, it ruined ribs for me one time in Texas when I could stop thinking about how weird and barbaric it was to be gnawing on an animal’s rib.

But the crabs were DELICIOUS!! So very tasty.  That’s seasoning on them in the picture, not sand as I first feared, and it was terrific.

By the time we stuff ourselves silly with crabs, it was getting a bit late.  Luckily ice cream melts into all the empty place of an otherwise full stomach, so we decided to head there next.  We put in one of the addresses we had into the trusty GPS (Amelia) and set off to find it.  While walking around the outdoor-ish mall where is was said to be, I encounter something so wonderful, so delightful I couldn’t walk by without putting it on my head.

This is me in the store.  I couldn’t find a mirror, so I just had Joe take a picture.  And then I was so positively delighted by what I saw, that I hesitated as we were leaving and looked back longingly.  I was weighing my options if I wanted to use my budgeted ‘fun money’ on this hat (or just keep saving up for pair boots I was eyeing).  Joe threw out an offer.  The hat would be budget-exempt IF I wore out of the store and to the ice cream place. DEAL.

Did I feel stupid walking around a mall in a crab hat? Of course.  But these people were never going to see me again and I love that hat so very much.  And then we were at another store and a lady asked me where I got it from, so I realized I was probably making a lot of people jealous.  At least that’s what I told myself.

Here’s the part I didn’t anticipate.  The first two ice cream places we had written down DID NOT EXIST.  This meant a lot more walking around in a crab hat then I had originally anticipated.  We don’t have smart phones (yet!) so we usually just write down all the places we want to go before we leave and use the GPS.  The internet would have come in handy to find a new place to go nearby.  But we did have another place on the list just further away, so we got back in the car and headed there.  We walked in with 5 minutes to spare before they closed.  Except the guy had already cleaned everything and covered up all the ice cream.  He was like “well… I’m almost closed…. ” and definitely wanted us to take the hint and leave, but I wasn’t leaving Maryland without my state quarter ice cream!! so we talked him into a scoop of ice cream, but no mix-ins.  (it was a Maggie Moo’s, where they mix in whatever ingredients, like a Cold Stone).


And then I scuttled sideways back to the car.  Joe wishes I was kidding about this.

Joe opted to skip ice cream in favor of stopping by Chaps on the way out of town.

It smelled so good in there!! They grill the meat over charcoal and it has a wonderful smokiness about it.

Keeping these authentic to the way he has seen them, Joe added onions and the ‘Tiger Sauce’ to his pit beef sandwich. I snagged a little bit of the meat before the onions touched it, and wished I had enough appetite to enjoy one as well.

All in all, Joe loved his sandwich.  In retrospect, I think he wished he wouldn’t have gone with the sauce (it was mix of mayonaise and horseradish sauce).  But his nostrils were cleared and his belly full.  And I was left driving home while his food coma set in.


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